Tuesday, March 29, 2005

The Road to Argentina

In today's Opinionjournal.com, Brendan Miniter suggests how the Democrats could ride social security reform into a victory for them and a devastating defeat for the American people and economy. They need only provide that the government itself will invest the social security surplus in stocks and bonds. Inevitably investment decisions will be made for political reasons, and corporations who displease Democrats may be threatened with massive disinvestment, which could destroy many companies. What better way to bring all publicly traded companies to heel?

Political meddling in the securities markets is just what we need to turn us into Argentina.

To reply, email texthepontificator at yahoo dot com.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Humpty Dumpty Germans

My Way News reports:
Nearly a quarter of western Germans and 12 percent of easterners want the Berlin Wall back -- more than 15 years after the fall of the barrier that split Germany during the Cold War, according to a new survey.

The results of the poll, published Saturday, reflected die-hard animosities over high reunification costs lowering western standards of living and economic turmoil in the east.
I don't doubt that reunification has required many Germans to confront reality in ways they would have preferred to avoid. Doggerel time:
Germany once had a great wall,
But the wall itself had a great fall,
And now the socialists
And their kin
Want the wall back up again.
To reply, email texthepontificator at yahoo dot com.


Get a F*&$%#> Survey

We all know clients love to tell lawyer jokes, but do lawyers tell client jokes? I can’t say I ever heard one in almost 30 years of law practice, but maybe that ought to change. I offer my contribution below.

This may not make sense if you come from a state that derives its property descriptions from townships and ranges. But the system for describing Texas land was set by the Spanish and Mexican governments, and we do not generally use townships and ranges. If land has been platted, it can be described by lot and block, but if not, metes and bounds prepared by a surveyor are necessary. And surveyors don’t work cheaply. I suspect I am not the only Texas lawyer wearied of saying, “Yes, you really do need a survey. I know it’s expensive, and I’m sorry, but we’ve got to have it.”

With that introduction, consider this law firm voice mail system:


Good morning. You have reached the Offices of Joe Dirt, Lawyer. We cannot take your call right now, but we value your business.

If you wish us to prepare any instrument affecting title to real estate, please press one.


To prepare such documents properly, we will need several pieces of information, but the one that causes the most trouble is a legal description. If your property has been platted, we can use the lot and block number, but otherwise we will need metes and bounds prepared by a surveyor.

If you do not have a lot and block number but still don’t want to hire a surveyor, please press two.


I’m sorry, but a survey is essential to describing the affected land accurately. I know a survey will cost more than you want to spend, but we don’t have a good alternative.

If you are not satisfied with this answer, please press three.


I understand your reluctance, but an instrument affecting title to real estate that does not adequately describe the land is void. The only way to accomplish what you want is to hire a surveyor.

If you are not satisfied with this answer, please press four.


As much as you might like for me to, I can’t sit in my office with your diagram and make up metes and bounds. For one thing, it’s legal malpractice. For another, it’s the unauthorized practice of surveying. What? You didn’t think surveyors had lobbyists, too?

If you are not satisfied with this answer, please press five.


Please. We really want to help, but we need certain basic information to do our job professionally. A proper property description is right at the top of the list. Hiring a surveyor is the only way to get that.

If you are not satisfied with this answer, please press six.


Look, life’s a bitch, but get a f*&$%#> survey. That’s how the cow ate the cabbage.

If you are not satisfied with this answer, please press seven.


Damn! What part of GET A SURVEY don’t you understand! To have gotten this far through the menu, you must prefer fantasy to reality.

If you wish to proceed deeper into fantasy, please press eight.


“Good morning. Democratic National Committee.”

Postscript: There. Now I feel better, at least until the next time I have to have this conversation, which probably won't be until Monday morning, today being Saturday.

To reply, email texthepontificator at yahoo dot com.


Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Protestor Doggerel

Instapundit points to a report of encountering professional protestors, not people who dedicate their lives to "protesting the establishment," but people who get paid to protest. As this and the current news how the Left bought McCain-Feingold show, the Left dislikes what money can buy only when they aren't the ones spending:
I know I’m probably staid,
But I’m surprised protestors are paid.
I thought they were motley fools,
But I see that they’re capitalist tools,

And yet they favor the Left.
My gosh, the Lefties are deft!
They decry that money brings might,
But only when spent by the Right.
To reply, email texthepontificator at yahoo dot com.


Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Dan Rather Doggerel

The linked article suggests that Dan Rather's interview with Julian Miguel, father of Elian Gonzalez, was staged. Dan was fed questions by a lawyer, and the interpreter was selected for his acting skills. Sheesh.
We know a "reporter" named Dan,
Whose interview came from a can.
With a nose for the news,
The man had to choose,
And he chose expedience and ran.
To reply, email texthepontificator at yahoo dot com.


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